Aussies, Blokes, and White Chocolate Platypuses
by IwannaSEXGODonRYEwithMEAT
Summary: This is the diary of Riley Furgus (don't ask) Cunningham, a 14 year old year girl straight out of middle school in the US, and straight into her new "crack house" in Australia. The only good part about living in Australia is all the cute guys, and being r
1. Moving

Wednesday June 12th 8:15 pm Mom and dad will not leave me alone and I am about to go...erm...what is a good word for crazy and insane? Oh, I know! Martha Stewart. I am about to go Martha Stewart on them. They keep pestering me to start packing up my clothes. It's not my fault that we are moving in five days, and it just so happens that the same time I could be packing Jesse always calls. I mean sure, I did tell him to call, and yah, maybe I told him to call RIGHT after dinner, and ok I also admit I told him to set aside a 5 and a half hour time to talk to me so that I wouldn't have to pack, but it's still not my fault! ARG! Life is so not fair.  
  
9:25 pm Its official, Jesse is the worst boyfriend ever. After complaining to me for 5 minutes about how his ear hurt and he really needed to do his homework for Algebra, he said he had to go and hung up on me. WHY CAN'T HE THINK ABOUT ANYONE BUT HIMSELF? Gosh its always " me, me, me!". Oh that reminds me, I need to tell Mom to make time to buy me the new linkin park C.D. because I need it for Lyndsays party...  
  
9:30 pm Mom caught me off the phone and went ballistic-amous on me because nothing was packed. Now I am stuck in my prison cell of a room packing and moving boxes around. They may treat me like a prisoner but there is NO WAY I am wearing and orange suit...yuck...I mean COMMON! Bright orange? Whoever made that suit was fashionably challenged.  
  
9:45 pm A box can make quite a cozy bed if you shove a planket down in it. Unfortunatly Mojo thinks that too and now I can't get his stupid cat brained self out of it...  
  
10:00 pm I am never touching a box again. I just broke a nail and a half picking one up....  
  
10:01 pm ...and the box was empty.... 


	2. Booger

Thursday June 13th   
10:30 A.m.  
Woke up with a fright and confused at where I was until I realized I had fallen asleep in the box and mojo was on my head. Now I have a god awful crick in my neck, and a wedgie that I am afraid will never live to see the light of day again.  
  
11:00 A.M.  
Went downstairs to get breakfast and to my horror realized that the movers were all sitting around the kitchen table chatting with my mom (who was probably trying to seduce them just to "see if she still had it in her" ). Anyway to make matters worse I look awful (my hair is standing straight up like a horny boy in the prison shower waiting for someone to drop the soap on a rope) and one of the workers in a 16 year old Josh Hartnett look alike, with HUGE arm muscles.   
  
11:01   
Eating breakfast alone...in my room...all alone...  
  
11:02  
Mojo just drank half the milk out of my cereal and I am too scared to go back downstairs to get a new bowl. What if I walked down and they all shouted "DON'T LOOK HER STRAIGHT IN THE EYE OR ELSE YOU WILL TURN TO STONE". Of course it would be a dream come true if Josh Hartnett Jr. looked me straight in the eyes, but with my luck I would probably have a booger hanging out of my nose.  
  
11:03   
I wonder if J.H. Jr ever has boogers.   
  
11:04  
My stomach grumbled and woke me up from my day dream about J. H. Jr. blowing his nose in front of me and then flashing a sexy smile with a tad bit of tissue still stuck to his nose.  
  
11:05   
I hope you can't get rabies from eating after a cat.   
  
11:06   
In a way, I think the milk tastes a little bit better...  
  
11:10  
Jesse called  
"Hey wassup Ri-Ri. I missed you did you miss me too".  
"I think I have rabies". 


	3. 3rd Chapter

Still Thursday, Still the 13th, my life is still a living hell.  
  
1:34 p.m.  
There is nothing to do around this stupid house. I tried doing cartwheels in the empty rooms but I fell over and knocked the picture off the wall, and while I was lying in pain on the floor, Josh Hartnett Jr. walked by and saw me. AND IT GETS WORSE. MY SHIRT WAS HALFWAY OVER MY HEAD AND SINCE I HAD NO CLEAN CLOTHES I WAS WEARING THE TEDDYBEAR AND BUTTERFLY BRA THAT MY GRANDMA HAD GIVEN ME! My life is over.  
  
2:15 p.m.  
  
None of my friends seem to even care that I am moving away to the land of extreme dull-ness. I need better friends.I wonder if my new friends in Australia will be better, or will they just run around catching crocodiles like that guy.erm.what's his name..the crocodile hunter. I hope they don't run around going "would you look at the teeth on that one, now I am gonna grab it by the neck and swing him around my shoulders and wear it as a new fashion called 'Don't stand to close or you will die'".  
  
2:30 p.m.  
  
Maybe I should practice my Australian accent so I am not a total outcast.  
  
Called Jesse.  
  
Jesse: "Hello?"  
  
Me: "G' day mate!" "This isn't one of those dirty calls is it?"  
  
"What are you talking about, mate. This is shela."  
  
"Riley?"  
  
"Shela"  
  
"Riley?"  
  
"Shela"  
  
"Riley?" "SHELA!!!! Now drop it! Crikey."  
  
"Riley?"  
  
I am going to have to kill him. Poor little bugger.  
  
4:00 p.m.  
  
Tasha called. We are all going out tonight to the boardwalk to hang out. What should I wear.  
  
I could wear my jeans and my zip up short sleeved jacket with my pink mudd shirt underneath.er.no.Geez now I am going to be stressed again.  
  
4:30 p.m.  
  
If I scrunched my hair so that it was lightly tousled would it seem like I was obsessed with the beach and that I had been swimming all day? Or would it seem like I was a lifeguard for the beach and had been working all day and was now spending the night out with her friends. Hmmm..  
  
5:00 p.m.  
  
Why is life so hard on me. Ew wait.I didn't mean it like..erm.you know..yah..Life isn't literally ON me.neither is it hard..its just and expression.er.I think. 


End file.
